Birthdays and I have had a challenged relationship for most of my life. Since I’ve always disliked attention and try to avoid the spotlight, my birthday has often been a day of discomfort and rarely celebrated — silly, I know that now (childhood wounds for another day). Two years ago, I finally began questioning this narrative and decided that I would celebrate myself every year by doing something I’ve never done before and it’s been a really fulfilling experiment. Memento Mori.
I’ve also found birthdays to be a therapeutic time to reflect on life and the previous year. Thirty-three is one of those that I hear a lot of people dismiss as an innocuous one…I’m looking at it in good company as Chris Farley, John Belushi, Sam Cooke, David Koresh, and Jesus Christ all passed at 33. Every year we are increasing in value, not growing old. Here are thirty-three reflections and pieces of advice I’d give to my younger self.
1) Help is the sunny side of control
2) Seek Mentors — ones in real life and “north stars” (ie: people who you can follow for strong life advice, trustworthy information, etc. but who you don’t know personally)
3) Do it. Do it right fucking now
4) Focus on building something, acquiring new skills and experience, building meaningful relationships vs. chasing monetary or material incentives; those are a natural end result from doing good work
5) Take your drinking water seriously — drink natural spring or filtered water as much as possible and invest in a high-end filter for your home
6) Value your time over everything else — how you spend your time is how you spend your energy and your life
7) Things are much easier to get into they they are to get out of so be careful what you get into
8) Live in a place where you can build community; seek people who are seeking you, who are smarter and more experienced, who want to spend time and share experiences with you
9) Take big risks in areas of your life where you are seeking the most growth
10) Relationships are an opportunity to learn how to love and a chance to get to know yourself better; don’t ever “settle”; look for shared values, deep love and connection, and long-term goals
11) Money is a tool to give you sovereignty and maximum flexibility of choice, not a source of happiness
12) Listen more than you speak and learn to ask great questions
13) Do it. Do it right fucking now
14) Question cultural and societal norms and values, especially the ones that push you against your will in one direction or another — America leads the world at putting people in boxes
15) All the answers to your questions can be found by reading a book or gaining experience
16) If someone is giving you feedback and it’s triggering you, that probably means they’re right and you should listen closely
17) Spirituality and religion are not synonymous; spiritual exploration is a great place to dig into your core values and develop guiding principles for life
18) Learn how to cultivate trusting your intuition, it somehow always knows what you need
19) When things seem to be going wrong in your life, pay close attention and look for the lessons the universe is trying to teach you
20) Organization is the lube of productivity
21) What you’re not changing, you’re choosing
22) It’s better to deal with hard truths, even when you’re feeling testy. You are afraid these hard truths will destroy you. It’s the opposite. They’ll destroy you if you ignore them.
23) Do it. Do it right fucking now.
24) When something is free, people tend to overconsume it
25) Use clearing conversations to say the things that have been unsaid in core relationships in your life to free up your energy and emotional capacity
26) Whatever pain or hardship you have experienced in life, they pale in comparison to the power you have to choose what to do next, in every next moment
27) “Busy” has become a toxic American disease that most of us are addicted to and wear as a badge of honor, don’t get caught in this trap; the busier you are, the more you are not delegating enough and contemplating priorities
28) The people you spend time with and the media you consume determine your mindset
29) Don’t be contrarian just to be contrarian — be clear on what’s driving your beliefs
30) Beware of creating echo chambers with close friends, family or co-workers — this can lead to “false beliefs” that don’t align with your values; Idea Labs > Echo Chambers
31) Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.
32) You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself
33) Do it. Do it right fucking now
